So it's been months since I've actually used this. . .It's late and well I have nothing better to do. This summer I worked on campus and lets just say it was an experience. But I got through it. I then went to Haiti with my family to visit our family and it was pretty fun. There were some down times and well I'm still not really over them, but I'll eventually move on. As of now I would say life is mundane. I feel like I want to go out and do something make life fucking interesting, but there's not much to do or people who are really willing to do them with. Also there's the not having money thing, I am a poor college student, what can I say. I'll survive though, I always do. Anyhow, I've got this cold right and I am so pissed because I had to walk in the rain today to get some signatures and let me tell you it's not my fault that people happen to do my job for me, when I didn't ask them too, and then in turn do it half-ass, then lecture me about it. I mean what the fuck??? I am still pissed about that. Like don't come up to me and lecture me in such a public ass place especially in that condescending ass manner too. If certain people hadn't done what was suppose to be my job this wouldn't have happened, because I would have been competent enough to fill out the necessary paper work. But I'm trying to get over that. I really. . .Anyhow, I really miss my boyfriend, I got so use to him sleeping over the past week and I miss that. We did get into a small little argument earlier in the week but it's all good now. . .I can't seem to go to sleep right now, even though I know I should since I haven't gotten much sleep lately but, who really needs sleep right. . .so yea about the LJ makeover, I thought I'd do something new, you know? There are some things I want to change and it involves some self discover I guess, I just hope I find what I'm looking for and find a more happy and exciting place with in myself. I don't know exactly where I'm going or how fast or slow I should be moving but, I am moving down this path and hopefully I'll end up in happy place. . .So I'm done for now. . .I was thinking of editing some pictures, but I don't really feel like it now. I'll finish watching the movie playing in the background. . .Maybe I'll watch Pirates. . .and no, not of the Caribbean ;-0 <<--- I know!

somethings I keep forgetting to say. . .hopefully I remember them all. . .here we go

1. Shut up No one cares
2. Seriously Stop trying to be something you're not
3. Wait. . .all of a sudden you wanna f***. . .nevermind, just to utter the words sickens me. . .
4. HYPOCRITE
5. We all Hate you. . .A LOT. . .(Only cause you're retarded all of a sudden)
6. Coward
7. LAME

K, I think I covered it all. . .that was rather refreshing. . .

So i've truly realized how lame people can be. . .i mean people need to stop trying to re-invent who they are. . .you're lame and that's what you'll always be, becuase you truly don't have a personality, all you do is try to take on others personality. . .which is lame, by a lot. . .man you're lame and I can't even believe it. . .pathetic kind of.

oOo do I sound bitter or hostile. . .I guess it's rubbing off. . .

Anyway, you're lame get your own life and maybe gain some of the respect you've lost. . .christ this is irritating. . .

Best,
Tamare

P.s when you read this darling (you know who you are) we need to discuss the lame-ness of the situation. Perhaps over some fine dining by Rachel Ray I hear she's awesome!

You're a Whore. . .simply put don't you think?

Best,

~Tama~

-I love the random-

So it's been months since I've like touched my live journal. I just suddenly had the urge to update these past couple of days, but just never got around to doing so. It's 2:13 on a Saturday morning, so I figure it's the right time to update. It's a New Year, so this means new beginnings. I'm excited about this new year. Its started off on the right foot and with the past week, good things have happened. So before I get into the new stuff I guess I'll do some recapping of the past few months I've been MIA.

The semester didn't start off so well for me. I realized that what I wanted to do with my life isn't really what I wanted to do. In the process of rearranging my life I pretty much f***ed up big time and felt the repercussions later on, but I've recovered. So I figured out what I want to do with my life and well with the new year I should be doing well like I use to. So to sum that up, I changed my major. . .yea. . .I went from a Marketing major to a Public Relations major and Event Planning minor. I looked at the classes I have to take and what the next 2 1/2 years will look like and it seems much brighter for me. I think this new career track reflects who I am more. PR and event planning is something I feel I can really excel in. So that's what's new with the academic side of my life. Now I think I mentioned in past post of the boyfriend. His name is Hector and he's. . .well how can I put this. . .he's. . .just. . .wonderful. . yea I like the word wonderful. I think we're a good match and lots of other people think so too. We just kind of just fit together just right. I mean by no means are we some perfect couple and everything is just "oh so peachy keen" all the time, that would be a lie if I said that. We have are little arguments here and there and disagree on something’s, but in the end, we always work it out and we both know that we'll argue and disagree, but ultimately we love each other and nothing will change that. He's a major romantic and if you know me, you know I love romantics, and his Dominican accent on top of his romantic ways, is just an ultimate plus. I know this will sound all cliché and lovey dovey, but he just looks at me in a way that well I can't describe. He says things to me and I'm just speechless. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves and adores me and of course at first I was all like "oh gosh please don't make me laugh," but he genuinly means what he says and it makes me feel special. I guess to actually know what the love of someone like that feels like is just amazing. I mean it's not perfect and I'm glad it's not perfect because then it would be boring, if you know what I mean. We have our spontaneous moments of just random fun and it's nice. We're approaching 6months this month and that should be really fun times to celebrate. We've met each others families over these past months and I am happy to say that all parties are happy with us being together and are very approving. His aunt and uncle are really nice people and they really do care about him and have totally welcomed me into their family which was really nice. Of course we've got to work on the language barrier because of how their English isn't all that great, just like my Spanish isn't all that great. However, in time we'll fix that. My mom and dad love him and are very approving also, even though my dad hasn't said much, but occasionally he'll say something and I'm like "oh so he totally is ok and approves." Since both our families are not American born and come from a culture where marriage is basically one of those things you do right after you graduate, they've already started bugging us on the whole "when are you guys getting married" thing. However, it hasn't been any serious talks of it, just jokes here and there, like my dad will tell my brother or mother on some occasions when Hector will come to visit that "Oh I hear your brother-in-law is coming to visit Giovani, or Your son-in-law is here Dada" to my bro and mom. Oh and his aunt is no better with the jokes, but we won't go there :=] So, yea that's basically the love life. The other social stuff, well I realized this past year that people are retarded and I just have to deal with it. I mean I spent a good part of my year dealing with just random dumb shit that people are just retarded about and it doesn't make any sense. I've lost a lot of respect for some people who I just thought were better then that. However, there's not much you can do to change people if they are unwilling to change. So for more present details. I came home and reunited with my bitches whom I havn't seen in forever. I am happy to announce that none of us are single women anymore. We have been wifey-ied up by our men. I know it's a silly phrase to be a wifey, but its taken on a new meaning among me and my friends and it's a good thing. We like to think of our men as being "domesticated" even though the "hubbies' so to say have no clue what that really means, as they debated with Ceci and I at Applebee’s that one night :=] Maria is the new relationship, the last to be wifed up of the bunch. He boyfriend seems to be a really nice guy who cares very much about her and can't seem to get enough of her (not in the nasty sense). We are all happy and that makes me happy. It's time we got a little lovin'. I mean considering we were in the eyes of the church and our parents, just the perfect teenage daughters. . meaning virgins, unattached and focused on graduating with high honors, so yea NO BOYS or RELATIONSHIPS at all. Oh and if we were in relationships, they ended as soon as they began. But that's all different now and instead of going all crazy and humping the nearest thing we could find when we went to college, we carried ourselves with dignity and knew that we were worth more then some cheap one night stand with some college athlete or some frat guy who decided to show us a few minutes attention. I mean don't get me wrong, we were catholic school girls, that 4 years of pent up sexual aggression and opposite sex deprivation, so of course we wanted to be pursued by the opposite sex, but we weren't stupid or ready to jump on the first boat to "relationship" that pulled into the harbor. We were I guess picky, some of us tried and failed at first and some of us got it right on the money the first try, but in the end we all ended up in healthy and hopefully long lasting relationships. Some of us are about to hit the 2 year mark, some the 6-8month mark and then there’s the new budding relationship hitting like a week :=] but they're cute. So. . what else can I ramble on and on about. . .ehhh not much right now, so I'll call it a night I guess.


~Tama~

So yea i havn't written in this thing for a long ass time. I figured today would be as good as any day to write in it. So what's been going on in my life? Not much really, I mean besides school, hanging out with Broomz (Robin), Josh, and Jess (our newly adopted freshmen, I've been up to not much. I did change my major if that is of any news at all. I am going to be a Public Relations Major and Event Planning Minor, come next sememster, and what is amazing about all this all the classes I have taken up to this point will count towards the class, the only thing that urks me about all this is the fact that I have to take history now, which is a pain in my ass, cause it will be boring as hell. Other then School and Friends at school, there's the gang back home, for most of them, their lives are in pretty good shape, we are all doing our thing and that's all for that. Oh and then there's the boyfriend, whom I can say I love, yes Love. we mostly hang out, and the such he's over like every weekend, but we are gonna put his visitations on a hiatus, I want to give Broomz a rest from him (Lol)

So what did I do today?
Got my hair done, then went out with Hector on a date. It was good times, one of the best. We went to China Buffet, I was starving and the food was delicious and I got to have icecream afterwards :=] Then we went bowling, yes bowling, and let me tell you it was some fun times, to my surprise, lots of other young people go bowling, especially on a saturday night, like there were more people our age there then adults. I guess it was like "young people" night or something cause they turned on these blacklights and the lanes lit up real nice and they started playing some reggea and hip hop music videos and stuff. I wooped Hectors as the first round, but he totally creamed me the next two rounds. All in all Good times. Then it was time for me to get home. . .got there before midnight like I promised, like around 11:35 I suppose I was in the door, the rents were already asleep, i popped in and said "I'm alive" and they like yawned something like "yea ok see you in the morning"

Yea so I wrote in this thing. . .it was all useless and boring information that no one really cares about, but I was bored and needed something to do, isn't that what LiveJournals purpose is anyway, to fill those voids of time where you have nothing to do :-] Like now. I mean most people don't really care it's just for fun and goofing around posting a poem or a joke here and there. . .it's not like you are gonna go and tell your lifes' story on here, or share deep dark secrets for the world to know. . . ;=] That would just be Ludacris <----funnier to spell it that way

I guess Im going to go on YouTube now and watch some daria episodes. . I effing love that show. . .:=]

~Tama~

So my summer is coming to an end, but everything is just beginning.

-the end-

(Oh the vagueness I love it)

~Tama~

Ok so I know I haven't like updated this damn thing in ages, so I figured now would be good as any time to update. So my apologies for not updating : )

So a rundown of my life for the past 2 months

1. Got a job at Kmart, working there with my best friends Liz and Maria

2. We befriend James and Steve and we are now really good friends with them

3. Go clubbing for the first time ever to club AVALON in NYC, With James and Stever, have the time of my life

4. Maria leaves Kmart and goes on vacation to Ecuador for 2 months

5. Liz and I left at Kmart to fend for ourseleves

6. Go clubbing again with James and Steve, now we include Ceci and Jackie, best time again

7. Still working at Kmart

8. Still really good friends with James and Steve, lots of joking, and crude humor, that would other wise offend me, but because James and Steve are such awesome guys, we let them slide and the shit they say is only acceptable to us when it comes out of thier mouths.

9. Go to the mall where the infamous line is said by James "Liz, even if I get down on my knees and Eat you out, don't give me my money" (yea that shit fucked us up when he said it, I mean we all just stopped in our tracks and went "What the Fuck?")

10. Got a Boyfriend, named Hector who's Domincan

11. Going out with Said Boyfriend, and Having the best possible time ever!!!!

12. Being very happy right now.

13. Writing this entry.

14. Gonna go talk to my Boyfriend who is IMing me

15. I'll have more updates later

~Tama~

So it's been a while since I've updated so I suppose I should do that now, while I have some free time. So update on my life as of far. I got a job at the illustrious KMart. (that was a joke, the illustrious part) It pays decent and I get to work with my best friends Elizabeth and Maria, well not Maria anymore since she went to Ecuador for 2 months and is done working at KMart, but I work with Liz and it's sooo much fun. At work we have befriended some guys, who are hella funny, like "omg, rolling on the floor, wanna wet my pants funny" Their names are James, Steve and Rob, and then there's Angel and Marlon. This past weekend Maria, Liz and I, went clubbing with James, Rob, Steve, Angel and his friend Edgar. It was the best shit ever bro. We had the best time in the world, the guys were wasted as shit and we took the Path into NYC so they were on the train acting a fool. And let me tell you those boys can dance like it's a job. And they are sooo nice like they bought alcohol and stuff for us, and paid for our soda's and all that good stuff. And they also protected us on the dance floor from pervy guys who tried to dance with us. And Angel's Friend Edgar, boy he didn't dance that much but when he did. . .let me tell you, I danced with him and I swear I walked out that club pregnant, he danced like Whoa. . .I mean it was good dancing, don't get me wrong, but I was struggling to keep up. . .seriously i think he may have impregnanted Maria, Liz, and I. But we had a ton of fun those guys are amazing and we are clubbing again in two weeks. . .so I can't wait. In other news like Guy news. . .Hmmm I am still talking to Bruce, well texting rather, he has that whole nervous thing. . .Then there's Jose, who I've been talking to recently. He seems nice and stuff, has some baggage, but I can deal with that, but he did mention how he doesn't want to be in relationship cause he wants to focus on school and stuff. So I guess that may not go anywhere, but the way he talks to me and the stuff he tells me, kinda gives me other signals, but Whatever, we will see. Then finally we Have Jiemi, who is a new friend. And after lots of hilarious flirting via the internet, he kinda inadvertently asked me out, but not really. It was one of those things where if you read to deep you can find a new meaning to what was said, so I did that to be funny and told him, sweetie you just asked me out. . .He didn't even know that he did, but I was all like " you said you didn't have a hott date, unless i was planning to come to the city" it was funny cause I was joking and I told him so, and he replied saying that If we wanted to date that would be cool and that I was a cutie and we could go out as long as i wasn't a skitzaphrenic and that I actually looked like my pictures. . hahaha. . .yea so he is really fun, and we have this whole flirting thing happening. . .But I don't know I kinda see friendship down the road with 2 if not all 3 of them. But I think they'd be awesome guy friends to have though, so atleast I will get that out of it right?. . .yea so that's that. Of course if it comes down to it and I must choose, I mean Bruce definitly has the sex appeal thing going for him, but I don't know if he is right for me, then there's Jose who like. . is sweet and the convo's are pretty good, and he is very attractive but I don't know if the attraction/chemistry will be there, and finally there's Jiemi and well it's to early to tell. I will have to choose only one to date, I don't date more then one guy at a time. . .I don't know I think it's wrong according to me anyway. . . But yea LIfe is good so far. . Hope to be going into NYC soon to visit certain individuals. . .hehehehe!

So today was my first day at work, and well, it was what I expected WORK. We put up shelving units, and put pricing labels on the shelves, learned how to read a layout plan, and how to use the gun thingy that scans the UPC and tells you where to put the product. That was all fun and dandy, my feet hurt like hell though, standing for about 8 hours, going back and forth, picking up boxes here and there, helping costumers and the ‘what-nots’.

Well in other news, I don’t know what to make of the situation. I got a “Good Morning” text message, from him. It was nice. We sent a few text messages back and forth throughout the day, during work of course. Also, I asked him to give me more details about himself, he is shy and well, rarely talks about himself, so I asked him a couple of questions in a message today. I practically sent him my life’s story the other day when he asked me to tell him more. He replied to the message I sent, about telling more about himself, and his reply makes me like him more, sucks that I fear it will never go beyond what it is, just simple messages back and forth. But patience is key, and hope is still alive. Well it’s nice talking to him, he seems genuine. Hope there’s more to come. Keeping my fingers crossed.

So today was a wonderful day : ) I hung out with Liz, Maria and Ceci, I saw, Juan Liz's hubby, and met Joe for the first time, Ceci's new beau. He seems really cool and I think he is a woderful match for my darling friend. I am so happy for her and Liz, they have picked wonderful guys, who will take care and love them.

*Smiles* to all you lovely ladies!!!!

Today after we picked up Liz for SPC, and said bye to the guys, the ladies and I went to go apply for jobs, cause we all need them terribly, so hopefully I get a call back from the multiple places to which I applied.

Afterwards we went back to SPC and chilled and talked about much needed things, then the guys came down to visit, they were "studying" (goofing off, being total dumbass's like boyfriends are and should be when the ladies aren't around) and they goofed offed in front of us, made us laugh a whole lot, it was good stuff. Then there was the boobie grabing war we had, where Liz, Ceci, Maria and I, just grabbed each others boobies, when one of us wasn't on our gaurd. It was good stuff, a guys fantasy I suppose. . .

Afterwards I got home, and my mommy was here early from work, and my dad was watching BBall with my bro . ,he (my bro) should have been in bed, but apparently he fell asleep like right after I left the house, which was around 3:30pm and woke up like 20mins before I got in the house which was around 11:00pm. . .so he got to stay up and watch the game. I grabbed a bit to eat. . .and then took a shower. . .

Then the most amazing thing happened. . .I checked my myspace. . .and </i>He</> responded. . .he hasnt' been on for like 3 days. . .and he was like sorry for not being online, he's been busy with work. . .then. . .he sent me a txt message, hoping that I wasn't all worried that he wasn't going to speak to me anymore, and that he was still my friend... I thought that was sweet, but that's just me. . .hehehehehe. . . And then I checked my Facebook, and this guy that we met at dinner this one time, replied to this message I had sent like . . .10 days prior, and stuff, I thought he was cute too. . .lol, but yea. . the thing is what are the odds that I would have a smashing day like today, and then on top of that, have recieved messaaged from two people, I was certain wouldn't talk to me again. . .and for the first time ever, my parents didn't blow up my cell with calls about getting home early. . .they didn't call once except for my dad who called to say drive safely!. . .

Today was ridiculously good, I hope it last and better things come!. . . .

~Tama~

Today was a pretty good day, this week was a good week despite finals.

I don't know what to say or how to feel at the moment. I assume this will be a very slow process if anything comes of it. Patience I suppose is all I can have. This time I won't push it, and I won't hope for something that doesn't have a faint hint of happening. The summer is approaching and it's time to have fun, and be happy. Let this one flow on fates wind.

~Tama~

: )

Is it better to have loved or not have loved at all?
To love and have lost that love I imagine is tragic and dreadful,
But to never know what love is like, to never feel the warmth of someone else,
This is like a life sentence, an imprisonment of the heart,
To always long, for what you have never had, and still go day to day with life,
For those who have loved, I can understand not having that anymore,
And the pain it causes, but at least you know what it is like,
Would you rather have never felt it to begin with?
So which is worse, to want what you can’t have
Or to have what you once had?

I suppose to answer my question I must experience this love first and possibly lose it. . .
maybe the pain of the loss, will make me feel as though. . .I wish I had never felt it. . .
Or maybe I’ll be thankful, for having what I did when I did, and move on eventually. . .
I was just wondering that’s all. . .Just a thought.

~Tama~

Feeling fine I suppose, just fine. The school year is coming to an end. Can you believe my freshman year is almost over, last week of classed, then two weeks of finals. The summer is approaching; I am excited about it, because it’s the summer and well friends and trips and just fun. I can’t wait. I hope this summer is a little bit more interesting then past summers, you some excitement here and there wouldn’t hurt. Discovering some new things would be cool, go to some places I have never been, meet some new people and see where that goes. Surprise me!

I think I dream to much, hope just a tad bit too much. I don’t know, I guess my hopes and dreams are pretty far out there. It’s like a dream world you know. You ever get the feeling that you’re alone, even though you are in a crowded room with lots of people, you still feel alone in some way. I may have my expectations set too high, and well hope and for something that can’t happen because it just doesn’t exist, the way I think it should anyway.

I tend to generalize about certain things. I guess I should work on that. Then again if life were to show me something different, then maybe I wouldn’t generalize and actually be able to write something meaningful, that isn’t about me bitching about ‘stuff’ that I am really spent with caring for at this point.

Let’s hope this summer is eventful folks . . . maybe life will surprise me with something New!

~Tama~

. . . Open Your Eyes, Do You See Me Yet. . .

So ever get that feeling, after a long nice talk with a good group of friends, of just utter refreshment. I mean to sit and discuss life, love and 'various' other things is amazing and oh so refresing. So I realized that next year is going to be amazing, I mean I am going to have the most awesome roommate ever, Broomz. . .Love ya chic. . .and I love my schedule the way it is set up. I will also have a car and money hopefully from my summer job in my bank account, which still needs to be set up. Hopefully if my luck changes. . .I will be knocked off my feet by some heavenly being of a man, and find my 'prince' charming. . .pssh. . ok maybe that last one was a stretch. . .but all the others are soo happening. I am ready to take these finals. . .and be set for the summer to happen. . .Hopefully this happy state I am in, just gets better.

-No longer playing the waiting game. . .Just riding with the wind with my hair down, and my feet up. . .It will find me. . .I'm done looking. . .So I am here, where are you?-

~Miss Tama~

Holding this box I wish I could open it and unleash what’s inside dying to escape and be seen by the “world”. I know what’s inside; it’s like this ‘precious’ treasure, so shiny, so priceless and so ‘fragile’. Handle with care please. However, the box that incases this treasure is so plain, so unattractive, so uninteresting. People don’t really bother inquiring what’s in this plain Jane box, why bother, couldn’t possibly be anything special in this ‘regular’ old box. I guess I can’t really help that now can I? If I changed the box, I’d changed the contents and their value, their meaning. I couldn’t do that, could I? If I made the box more attractive, more ‘alluring,’ and more intriguing would people notice it more? But I can’t possibly change the box without altering its contents, you have to give some to get some, everything has a price. If I leave the box as is, will anyone ever notice it and want to open it, and if I change the box and change the contents, will anyone want it after opening it, because the treasure won’t be the same? A dilemma, but while I figure out to do with this box, in the palms of my hand, I’ll just stand here and maybe someone will ‘see’ . . . my box and me.


~Tama~

-This is me?-

So I guess that I should Edit this entry, adding this little beginning part to explain what will follow. Talking to a friend of mine about this post, I guess it seems that I may have generalized a bit much. This entry isn't a reflection of all people, because I'm sure most people aren't like this, and most people want some of these good things. However, it was just from my observation of some people that I know relatively well and for the most part I have been surrounded by these "skeptics" for most of my life, and I guess I'm just kind of tired of it all but, like my friend said, what better to be then an optimist in skeptic filled world. . . So on with the already posted entry. . .



How can someone say that they would rather live life without friends and without ever knowing love, because it is who they are? How can someone be so empty to say that they feel nothing for another human being? Why would you want to go through life not ever knowing the warmth of another? What kind of life is that? How can you be so far gone and detached from those around you, that you rather spend you days and nights in a dark room, instead of experiencing life for what it is. I understand that the world is a scary place, but it still offers such great things, like Love for one, and Friendship. Today was a beautiful day, warm sunshine and cherry blossoms were everywhere. How beautiful is that. How can someone not appreciate the beauty in that. I think that's beautiful, I could honestly sit under a cherry blossom tree for hours and just chill and talk and just be. Nature is so simple, yet so amazing in itself. How could you not love that, take advantage of that? How can you honestly say that you don't want love? How could you not want that, never to feel the touch of another, never to know that feeling you get when the "one" walks into a room and your world is right again. To share memories, like traveling to far exotic places, taking trips into the city and walking around for hours, going to plays, museums, little bistro's on the corner, taking naps in each others arms, having deep meaningful conversations, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, I love you's and the sweet security of another’s embrace. Is it just me that appreciates those things. Just a simple walk in the park, a simple walk under the stars and the moon at night that is what makes me happy, especially if I could share that with someone, makes it all the better, don't you think?. . .

I don't know it just seems that people, don't want that anymore. Living in a world full of skeptics. People are not willing to compromise anymore, selfishness has consumed us, it's an "all about me" mentality. People have their priorities all messed up. People don't really appreciate a good thing when they have it, they take if for granted. It's sad really, when you see someone with a good thing and they fuck it up, and then they wonder what they did wrong. People are so afraid of commitment these days. People just think they can just sit there and things will happen for them, like they don't have to do anything. . that's not how the world works. Love takes work. Friendships take work. When you have a good thing don't let it go. Commitment isn't that scary, grow some balls and take the risk, learn to compromise and stop being so damn selfish. If you get hurt, you get hurt, that's life, learn, live and move on. Don't compare your past's with your future's. You're guaranteed to mess up a few times, till you find what you are looking for.

Everything is just all about the physical these days, and well I understand that the physical is important, but it isn't number one. How about the emotional connection, the intellectual connection, the deeper connection you get when you find someone who gets you and you get them, doesn't anyone want that anymore? Is that some archaic notion, things that our parents and grandparents did?. . .a foreign concept right?. . .who wants to connect on a deeper level with someone right. . .sex is all we care about right?. . .right. . .

I wish people would stop being so critical about things, especially things that don't matter, learn to take a joke, people like that, they take the fun out of life, nature, and simply beauty. Like shut up and enjoy life. You don't know how long you have on this god forsaken earth. Why waste it, analyzing every little thing, coming up with stupid rules and boundaries. I wish I had what most people have and take for granted. I wish I had someone to share that stored love I have in my heart with. People have that person, but they just spend to much time, picking at the little things that don't matter about the other, or they don't pay attention at all to them, sometimes instead of trying to love or be in a relationship they run, and blame it on "other things" or simply just don't have the time to deal. . .What a cop out.

It's a beautiful day people, go out and enjoy it, run around in the grass, go jump in a puddle, go into the city and just walk around, go sit under the stars, snuggle and watch a movie together, try having a serious conversation, try not running from your problems, try actually dealing with the reality of life, try LIVING.

Stop taking things for granted, because I can most certainly guarantee it, that there is someone out there, looking at you and wishing they had what you had, just for a moment. Not even wanting some fairytale story book-ending, but just for a moment, simple love, pure and simple. If you have it or are in the process of getting it, or see it potentially in someone, don't be stupid take that chance, or don't mess it up if you already have it.

If not for Love, Life and Friendship, then for what? Really what else is out there besides that?. . .Open Your Eyes. . .Open Your Hearts. . .Let Yourself Love. . .Let Yourself Be Loved. . .Embrace Life, for the good and the bad. . .Learn from your's and others mistakes' . . .Stop Taking it for Granted. . .Cause others Want what you Have.

~Tama~

And please by no means, do you take this entry as me being naive to what is out there in the world, Cause I know the bad out there, I have been through my share, I just choose not to bitch and moan about it or let it consume me. . .for those who really know me. . . Thanks for the smile on your face!

-Smiling Always-
-Always aware of my reality, but never letting my Smile wear down, Because Someone maybe watching-
-Pour toujours mon esprit vit dessus-

There are several definitions for the word "Wait." What does "Wait" mean?. . .Well I found several definitions, one of them being:

Wait: To remain or rest in expectation

To remain or rest in expectation, the part that is most interesting is the "rest in expectation part." How do I put to rest my expectations? I have so many of them, one in particular, and as much as I try, it is very difficult to "rest in expectation" especially when you want something really bad. However, I have been advised time and time again by good advice giving friends that "to remain or rest in expectation" is the best thing to do. I want to "try" and do that, but I think with my personality and drive It's hard for me to do that. I should probably work on that. I did find another definition of the word "Wait" however, that best describes how "Wait" is defined in my mind:

Wait: To remain temporarily neglected, unattended to, or postponed

Temporarily neglected, unattended to, or postponed is what "Wait" means to me. I don't think there is a better way to describe it. Well to "Wait" for 'certain' things anyhow is rather difficult for me. But yes, neglected, I fear it, to be unattended to is horrible, the feeling of being left all alone and forgotten and I hate postponing things or when things are postponed. "Wait" is such a funny word. I hate doing it in 'certain' situations, but I think I must actually try to learn how to "Wait" for 'certain' things. Some things you just can't force, that's life and just how things go.

How long should you "Wait" though? Grant it, certain situations require different levels of "Waiting" and that is understandable, but there are some things that you just can't "Wait" to long for, like there's a limit. How long do you "Wait" for someone to realize something important? How long are you suppose to "Wait" for someone to open their eyes and see the truth that lies before them? How long do you "Wait" to realize that the person you thought you knew really isn't that person and someone completely different? How long do you "Wait" to realize it's time to grow up and start living? How long do you "Wait" to tell a someone you love them? How long do you "Wait" to tell someone 'It's Over'? How long do you "Wait" to tell someone that it's time to wake up and realize they are all alone and things need to change? How long do you "Wait" to finally be happy with who you are and accept yourself, for all your flaws and beauties? How long do you "Wait" to realize your talent and potential? How long do you "Wait" to forgive your best friend of more than half a lifetime, for leaving you alone, with no explanation or remorse? How long do you "Wait" to realize your life is good where its at? How long do you "Wait" to realize you just think to much? How long do you "Wait" to finally realize you've spent a lifetime "Waiting"?

So according to darling Ceci, my last entry was way emo. .so we definitly have to do something about that. I don't know what to write about. I am in a pretty good mood today, this week was not as horrible towards the end as it was in the beggining. I am just at home for the weekend, chilling and having a good time. . nothing to serious. Tomorrow I will go see my bitches. . .also get my hair done hopefully and by some new spring clothes with the Mother. . .after she gets off of work. I'm not that interesting really. I might meet up with a new friend (hopefully) this week and watch a movie or something. . so hope that goes well if that happens. . .Um also. . .I think maybe some good things maybe comming my way, well A good thing maybe comming my way. . .we'll see. . hmm. . .Ok Im like done now. . .I really don't have much to say. . .really. . I don't. . .I'm not harboring some secret. . I swear, I am. . not. . .hehehehe